Fire is Clean, Fire is Bright
by Elriclover
Summary: It's a rainy day at the office and there's nothing to do but paperwork, until Riza suggests the unthinkable. Oneshot. Complete hilarity and insanity!


Fire is Clean and Fire is Bright

A Mustang Story

Colonel Roy Mustang stared out the window of his cold office. He knew what the gray clouds hanging in the sky meant; Rain, and judging by how dark they were, lots of it. He hated rain jus as much as Breda hated dogs. Rain put out the fires Mustang needed for battle. It was one of the few things that rendered him useless, making him hate it even more. Today, all of his men were taking the day off, leaving First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye there to look after him. "Who said I needed looking after?" he mumbled to himself.

Paperwork was piled high on his desk. "Doesn't anyone understand? Gray days make me act weird. I don't work well on gray days, yet I still get stacked with papers." "Why don't you, I don't know go entertain yourself? My ears are getting tired of hearing you talk to yourself," Riza said. She had been sitting there silently the whole time. "What should I do? I mean, you know I hate doing paperwork, and before you say anything I . . . " "Go take a walk with Black Hayate. It'll do you both some good."

Now Mustang was staring at her. "Are you crazy, Riza! Me, go out on a day like this!" "Well you were looking for something to do, weren't you?" "I'd be going against my nature! I'm fire! Rain is water! Fire and water don't go together! Example: Fire is clean and Fire is bright! Water is dark and could contain acid or dirt!" "Yet you bathe in this "dark dirty" water everyday, don't you?" "Well," "Forget I asked. Look. Sometimes going against your nature could be a good thing. To put it in words you'll understand, it's like an experiment. You don't know what the result is until you try it out." "But Riza! Something's just naturally don't mix!" "You'll never know till you try." And that was that. Mustang stood up, Riza handed him the leash with the dog already attached, and he walked out the door. "And don't forget you have a meeting with Fullmetal!" Riza yelled after him. "You mean the pipsqueak is here, too? This is not my day."

He was half way down the street when his brain kicked in again. "Wait a minute! I DON'T LIKE RAIN! What am I doing!" Black Hayate just stared at him innocently. "Oh shut up. It's not my fault Riza gets trigger-happy when she doesn't get her way. That's the only reason I came out," he said staring back evilly, "Just walk." The dog understood and started to walk. _Sigh, Why do I listen to officers at a lower rank than me. It's another good reason to become the Fuhrer,_ he thought as he walked lazily down the street. Then, as if sensing how pissed off he was, it started to rain. "DAMMIT! God, it's cold. Why me? WHY ME?" he yelled into the sky, "God I'm losing my mind. And who am I talking to? A DOG, THAT'S WHO! I must be going crazy."

The dog had stopped and was again staring at him. "Okay, just stop. I need to take a break. I'm cold, wet, and pissed." Roy spotted a park table under an umbrella. He didn't think they had wandered that far from the Military building but he didn't care. The bench was dry. He ran over to it and sat down happily. He took of his soaked coat and laid it on the table to dry. The dog jumped on the bench and shook his fur, making Roy get a little wet but Roy was out of the downpour so he didn't care at all.

"HA! I, ROY MUSTANG, HAVE TRIUMPED OVER THIS GRAY RAINY DAY! NO ONE CAN STOP ME NOW!" Then the rain came down heavier and soon there was no way he could leave until the rain stopped. "Crap." The dog walked over to him and laid down on his lap. "You know I despise you yet you still have the courage to try to warm up to me. You are crazy. You know that? In fact," he said jumping up and running around the dry area left by the umbrella, "THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD OF OURS IS CRAZY! EVEN I'M CRAZY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He ran out into the rain and jumped in all the puddles like a little kid, but he was laughing like a maniac. All of his sense was yelling in his head, _YOU HATE RAIN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! _Then his common sense snapped in half. He was completely crazy.

"ROY! ROY! WHERE DID YOU RUN OFF TO! _Sigh _I hope he hasn't gone and killed himself. Or worse, gone to a stripper club," Riza sighed as she walked down the wet street with Black Hayate. Before, the dog, sensing Roy needed help (seriously), ran back to the Military office and barked out in the rain trying to get Riza's attention. Now he was walking beside her, leading her to where he last saw the crazed Colonel. While they were walking, it finally stopped raining. When they got to the park, Roy was laying on the muddy ground facing upward at the sky. He was completely covered in mud and seemed to be asleep. Riza walked up to him and tapped his cheek with her foot. He was still in his dream world, "Uhhhhhh . . . . Riza, I'm fine, just a little tired. Let me lay in the rain just a little longer." "Well then I guess you won't want to finish your paperwork. Or put some clothes on. Clothes might help you feel better," Riza said, squatting down.

Roy sat up with a start "WHAT? YOU MEAN I'M . . . . I'M . . ." "No I don't. You were sane enough to leave you're underwear on. Though you are covered in mud." "Oh, quiet. Can I just ask you something?" "Sure," Riza said pulling Roy to his feet. "Did you bring an extra pair of clothes and a towel?" he asked as he shivered in the cold air. "Of course," Riza said. She handed him a plastic bag, an extra Military uniform, and a towel. "Thanks," he said and he walked over to the tree to put it on.

While he was changing, Roy asked, "How'd you find me?" "It was mostly Black Hayate and the report that a man with black hair with half a Military uniform was running around in the rain like a crazed man." "Oh. Well, I can't remember anything. Just walking to the park, sitting under the umbrella, and then nothing. Does anyone in the office know it was me?" "Not really. But they sort of assumed that it wasn't since you hate rain." "And I still do," Roy said defensively. "That's not what you told me when you were asleep. You said you felt good but you were tired and wanted to lay in the rain a little longer." "Riza, how many times do I have to tell you. I. HATE. RAIN. Makes me go crazy. I wasn't well when you found me." "Right," Riza sighed.

Mustang walked out from behind the tree, dressed in his temporary Military uniform. It was a little tight for him but it was the best he had at the moment. "You own me big. You know that right?" he said grabbing his coat from the table. "Yeah. What do you want me to do, oh honored Flame Alchemist, hater of all things wet?" Riza replied bowing sarcastically. "First of all, stop calling me that. Second," he paused and thought for a second, "Take me out to dinner." "I pay, right?" "Of course," Roy said as he started to walk.

Meanwhile, Edward and Alphonse Elric were watching from an alley a safe distance away. They had seen the whole thing. "Whoa," Al said in shock. "HOLY CRAP! HAHAHAHA! THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN! And I have and idea!" Ed declared. "You're not going to blackmail him are you?" "I wasn't but that's a good idea too! Thanks all! Come on! Time to go give my report to the Colonel!" "Edward," Al sighed as they followed the two Military officers from a safe distance so Edward couldn't be heard laughing his head off all the way to Central Headquarters.


End file.
